Feelings in the time of Cancer/Corona

I am what I eat. I am what I think. I am that I am. I know these things. Sometimes I choose to ignore them but deep down I acknowledge their truths.

When I eat rich food, my tummy rebels. Always has. That third drink and an extra helping of dessert are divine…but often I pay a price. So for me fresh, wholefoods that come from the earth are a no-brainer. And yes, I can feel how good my new plant based regime is. Of course I cheat sometimes. But now I am so much more aware of the effect it has on my well-being.

Archie is eating grass this afternoon. That extra piece of fish he demanded seems to have caused a problem. He knows exactly how to fix it though. So would we, if we’d only listen.

As far as thinking goes, I understand that too. I can choose to mull over something that’s happened until it forms a knot in my stomach or I can let it go and focus on the many positives in my life. It isn’t always easy but it is always possible. And as with anything, it takes practise. Once I start noticing all the little things that make my life good, it’s as if they grow exponentially.

During this time of parallel journeys I have come to embrace me. All of me. Even the ditziness. It’s taken a long time but know I understand that I am enough just the way I am.

There is still a missing piece of this puzzle though. It’s the one that pulls the others together and that many of us have been taught not to nurture. I am what I feel. I for one  don’t always show this. Not really. I hide behind a smile if I want to avoid facing something, especially if it’s going to cause conflict. But here’s the thing. What we feel, in every given moment, is crucial to our health. Really. Feelings are our antennae, our radar system. They tell us when we’re in danger or if we should back out of a situation, or even avoid a certain person. Mostly though, we push them down. Swallow them. Suppress them, as it could appear weak to reveal them. And there’s that niggly question in the back of our minds… am I allowed to feel this? Hands up if you’re guilty. I know I am.

Now I’m not suggesting that we all throw tantrums whenever things don’t feel good. Heaven forbid! What I am saying, is that we should allow ourselves to feel what we feel.  It’s okay to be sad, angry, apprehensive, especially in these testing times. It’s also more than okay to laugh raucously, to show one’s enthusiasm, to live out loud. It’s a good thing to tune into where you are right now, rather than to mould yourself around another’s expectations.

I’ve decided to give myself permission to feel all my feelings. I may not act out on them but I can allow them in, especially in silent moments alone in my head. And when I’m ready, I can reach for a better feeling. There is always one lurking. We are here on this planet to experience joy. We need to add things to our lives which truly make us happy. Those dreams we once had…are still there and achievable. Perhaps they just need a little tweak.

Archie has taken to rolling on his back in the grass, enticing me to tickle his tummy. I don’t though as I cannot predict whether or not his claws will stay in. But it’s a  development and I think it’s a new level of trust. How he feels always directs his behaviour.  He shows his love at the precise moment that he senses it. People pleasing is not part of his agenda.

In these surreal times, I challenge you to ask yourself how you feel throughout your day. Identify what rings your bell and what doesn’t.

Let me know if you’re surprised!


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