My hair is growing back furiously. It’s almost as if it was indignant at being forced out. And yes, it is silver. I never thought I’d say this, but I like it. Perhaps it’s because I’m so relieved it came back after all. It’s formed a sort of wild pixie style, a bit like my teenage cut. I googled hairstyles to suit my face and this one came up as the only one I should never have! Oh well, it’ll do for now.
As the Xeloda gradually leaves my body, itchy feet have become a distant memory. Okay, so I still can’t feel the soles but I’m trusting the universe on this one. The feeling will come back in time. I’ve been indulging in a daily glass of sulphur free bubbly. It’s beginning to feel a little decadent even. Life is as good as it gets under lock down. Yes, I worry about the rising numbers of Corona infections and of course, I fret about my loved ones’ safety. Make that everyone’s safety. I still feel as if we are all living through World War 111. The enemy has come from the outside this time and we’re all on the same side. Perhaps we need to remind each other of that.
Archie comes to check up on me every few hours. He’s following the sun today. I haven’t mentioned the cold front coming. He’s not one for worrying about the future. I do try to emulate him as much as possible. The tiny white eyes are having a ball in the garden today. They’re flitting between bushes and doing little dips along the way. Even the sugar birds are out in force. I have been making sure that Archie’s tidbits are regular and up to scratch. It seems to be working. His hunting instinct is still very much alive but the tasty treats dull his drive enough for the birds to dodge him.
Despite my best efforts to live in the moment, the date for a scan and the scheduling of radiation treatment is peeping. Seven days to be exact. I don’t know what to expect. I’m committed to seeing this through but am hoping it doesn’t make my hair fall out again. Once was enough! I understand that this part of the treatment is precautionary. Logically that is. Emotionally I have to put the brakes on all the ‘what ifs.’ ‘No need to look for trouble. It’ll find you,’ is an earwig today. I need to take my own advice. And Archie’s lead.
Fear is a useless feeling, especially if there is nothing specific to be afraid of. I don’t live my life in fear. I embrace each day. There is so much to be and do. Lock down has turned up my creative streak and everyone I know is getting a beanie for their birthday. With a pompom. I’m reading all the Southern African fiction I can lay my hands on too. So much talent that I’d love to see lit up across the globe. There are vegetable seedlings to plant and hydrangeas to trim. The rain has brought abundance and I marvel at the resilience of long buried bulbs. I’ve rediscovered my re-bounder and today I’m using it as an excuse to skip a stroll around the neighbourhood.
There are journeys and journeys and elusive destinations. ‘One step at a time,’ has become my dominant motto. I think it’s one I’ll hold onto.
I have been worried about my hermit tendencies lately, but as the days tumble by, I’m beginning to yearn for your company. So, as we pass through the many tunnels, I look forward to seeing you on the other side. I don’t know when that’ll be exactly. But the time will come…