The right side of the bell curve

Archie is delighted that I am working from bed this morning. He’s given my new buttermilk quiche recipe the nod and is now waiting for his sip of milky tea. I am not sick by the way, just cosy under a warm duvet. Besides, I can hardly toss my little hunter out of his nest, now can I…

Life feels good in this love filled space, despite the turbulence on the planet. I have a list of things to accomplish today and am hoping to tick them all off, (for once.) Cancelling tickets for the ballet next month is one of my sadder tasks, but it makes me determined not to miss future opportunities. My bucket list for the future, is growing longer by the hour and at this rate, 100 years on earth will barely be enough!

But this is hardly the time for good news stories. Let’s face it, we’re all pretty much in the Corona Virus spiral and many of us are having to face loss, grief and our own personal demons. Why on earth would I suggest rose coloured glasses now? Like many others, I am facing the chemo/corona combo and that’s a double edged sword. In a way, the isolation of treatment has prepared me for this lock down. However, I may need family and friends to pull me out of my cave, once the earth is renewed and I am clear of any disease.

Despite these strange times, I still find that I do not have enough hours in my day. In between editing, writing and reading all the unread books in my shelves, I am also de-cluttering. I tipped a drawer of papers onto my bed and resolved to sort them out. The many pamphlets and booklets on cancer were piled together and I re-read them. One got me quite hot under the collar. I tore it into a million pieces. Why would anyone compile a sheet of cancer stats and leave out all the patients who don’t fit into the neat bell curve? What good does it do to inform me that many people die within a few years anyway? How about adding the right side, which would include those of us surviving the big C? And there are many, who also deserve to be reflected.

In our quest for information, we often get sucked into a whirlpool of doom. Stress levels go through the roof. Our immune systems are stretched to capacity and easily flip over that crucial edge. Yes, we do need to know what is happening. But tell us more about the many survivors of corona, cancer and other life threatening diseases out there. I for one, don’t want to be a mere statistic on any of these charts. I want to live every day as if it’s my last but also as if life is eternal. I refuse to live a life of fear. I’m aiming for a miracle remission status, which I plan to remain in for the rest of my time on earth. No, I don’t have any guarantees about the length of my stay. But do any of us?

Xena has come to join this cosy atmosphere. She is looking longingly at the bed, hoping I’ll relent and let her up. But she’s a good girl and doesn’t break the rules…a bit like I used to be in my youth. Archie makes up his own as he goes along. I’m a slow learner but when something sinks in, it tends to stick.




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