2020 peeping…

This is the day I usually make my New Year’s resolutions. I have at least three definites and then another bunch of ‘will tries.’ Are they the same ones every year? Well, that would be telling. If you really wanted to check, my 2019 diary is still lurking around and yes I do write them down.

Archie doesn’t need to make any resolutions. He goes on pure instinct. But boy has he come a long way in a year. He sniffs his old cat carrier, which used to be his safe haven, as if he’s never seen it before let alone found refuge there when the world got too confusing. As for a litter box, what were we thinking? There’s a whole jungle and it extends beyond our patch of garden.

His clock is finely tuned to the rhythms of nature. The late afternoon birdsong signals the time to check out what’s happening in the kitchen. Treats are a given and there are even a variety to suit his very particular palette.

I would say Archie leaves things behind, as no longer needed. The more his new life opens up the less he craves a tiny den. He expands his world one prowl at at time and now he is pretty much king of the jungle around these parts. The enormous new tom on the block provides a sparring partner. So far, the little hunter has managed to defend his territory and retain the crown. I expect tonight will bring a fresh reminder of who reigns.

On this new year’s eve, I am considering what to leave behind as a new decade opens up. The first of January 2020 will be a significant landmark for me. I’ll begin the day with chemo and then a scan to monitor progress. Thus far the bark of the yew tree has treated me gently. Yes, there are side effects. But the halving of my energy is not the end of the world. I have lots of it and there’ll be time to tank up again.

In 2020, I’ll be dropping a tolerance for aggression. How on earth, I hear you mutter…well my tolerance level is dialling down to zero. Same for sweating any small stuff. Don’t look to me as an ally. I’m not your girl. Same goes for negativity. I can’t go there. That would be seriously insane. I plan to de-clutter but hold on to treasures. Oddly enough, my English 111 essays have just been retrieved from the shredding pile. I really did have all those cheekily arrogant thoughts back then, as well as the confidence to express them. (I’ve changed my mind about Jane Austen though…just so you know.)

Insecurity about my imperfect nose is finally going on the chuck out pile, as well as regrets about my tendency to be pear shaped.  I’m hoping the summer sun and swims in the sea will melt the icicles around my heart. Long held onto hurts are not making it into the new decade. People pleasing syndrome, that ‘not good enough’ tune in my head, clinging to acquaintances who have moved on, hankering after lost opportunities, holding onto old patterns which no longer serve me, allowing others to define who I am…they’re all being stuffed into a big black bag as we speak. The ocean will take them and churn them into the waves to be swept out, dissolved in the depths.

2020 will be a new opportunity to step into the lightness of being. My bag will be empty, ready to be filled with joy, new adventures and ways of living. Music and dancing have long been waiting in the wings. Friendships old and new, are there to be honoured. Fun and laughter will shake that bundle hanging off my shoulder. Swimming with wild dolphins, learning the tango, having a diamond piercing at the top of my ear, dancing on stage once again, modelling as an ‘older’ woman, wearing stilettos (okay maybe just kitten heels then,) having the privilege of watching Kirsten’s career rocketing into the stars… Hmmm, I think my bag needs to have plenty of space for all of the above.

Archie’s ears are perked and pointing forward. The tip of his tail is indicating action. He disappears out of the window, to fulfill his purpose for the morning. Later, he’ll monitor the moles and check for lizards in the hedge. I’m hoping he’ll ignore the white eyes and be lured by titbits of fish next to his bowl, (but not in it.) His tiny, athletic body carries no extra baggage. Everything about his life happens exactly as it should, when it’s supposed to. Divine timing is real, if we allow space for it in our 2020 carrier bag.

May your decade begin with the tinkle of laughter as you tap into who you really are and begin the life you should be living!

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