Eleven days into 2018 and it’s time to have a long hard look at where you’re at!
Why? Well, because I’ve got some news for you. Being a victim has gone out of fashion. No, seriously it has. The new word on the block is…Victor!
How do you know which one you are? Well, it’s simple. If you’ve always been that YES person, the one who never says NO, if you’ve been described as a pushover, a mouse, a doormat, wishy-washy (and yes, someone really did label me as that, once upon a time!) then I’m sorry to be the one to tell you (and me) that we’ve been in victim mode! We’ve given away our power, so that others can bully us, boss us around, mess with our heads and keep us under that bushel. Terrible. Depressing news. Why would I want to bring up such a lousy subject?
Here’s why. We can change. Really. We can make 2018 our Victor year! I can see you shaking your head sadly. Not possible. I’ve always been like this. People don’t change. I can’t anyway. I can’t help it if other people bully me. Newsflash…you can!
Let’s start with the word, NO. Make a point of bringing it back into your vocabulary. If, like me you’re hard-wired to be a people-pleaser, this is no easy task. It’s hard – at first. But it gets easier as you go along. Yes, you can stay the polite, sweet person that you are. You can learn to say NO, in your own way! How? Thank you, but no thanks. I’d love to help you out, but this time I’ll have to say no. Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you… Count the ways.
Remove yourself from the company, if someone is bullying you. Yes, you heard me. I understand that you have to make an appearance at every work/family/frenemy/sports function. So do that…but do you have to stay for three hours? How long can you stay, when you are feeling unwanted, merely tolerated, miserable? Allow yourself to leave, when it is (almost) polite to do so. If you think you are being bullied, merely tolerated, put down, then you are! No, you are not over-sensitive. Yes, you are in tune with your feelings. Yes, you are allowing this to happen!
That sibling, parent, old friend, colleague, who really, really hurt you years ago…you will never forgive them. You’ll hold onto that feeling forever and make them suffer. Hell can freeze over, before you’ll give up. Here’s a heads up – they are not suffering, but you are. You heard me. Stop and think about it. They may have even forgotten what they did or said. Their lives have moved on. Yours is stuck in the past. You are the one on the circular mill, the one who is missing out. What to do? Simple. Forgive them. I said, forgive and let go, not forget. Not for their sakes… for yours! You keep drinking the poison, meant for them. Let it go. You do not need to tell them. Just close your eyes, think of them and say, “I forgive you. I let you go.” Say it until it rings true… It does? Then you’ve just freed yourself and taken back your power. The way to go! Doesn’t this mean you’re opening yourself up to be hurt again? Yes. But that could happen anyway. What you are doing, is letting go of the past, living in the now and hopefully learning how to put up some healthy barriers, to stop people from stomping all over you.
Gather your own tribe of people around you. Have an inner circle of close allies, who always have your back, just as you have theirs. You’ll know who they are. Keep them close and nurture those relationships. And the ones who are not quite as trustworthy? There’s an outer circle. Put them there! No, you don’t have to inform them. And that old friend from years ago, who takes every opportunity to belittle you, undermine you, put you down? Outer circle for now…
Be open to new friends too. Perhaps that person you’ve only known for a few months, already deserves a place in your inner sanctuary. No room? Well, what about the bully, who is sitting tight but doesn’t really mean you any good? Perhaps he or she could be gently shifted? No need to broadcast it…
Remember that the only person you can change, is yourself. If you are about to walk down the aisle with someone, then that is the most vital piece of info you should have. People will show you who they really are. You need to believe them. (Thank you Maya Angelou.) You can always change yourself. You are in control of your reactions, to every situation you find yourself in. That’s fantastic! But no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to change someone else’s behaviour – not really.
So, the really good news for 2018 is this. You have it in your power to become the Victor of your journey. Yes, you can shrug off that victim mantle forever. It will take some work, but each day is a new opportunity to tackle it. Try it! I can truly recommend it.
All power to Us, the new Victors!